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Sigmund Freud mentioned,

“Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.”

I’ve all the time been profitable in my work life, however my love life has been a problem. I had my first job once I was eight years previous. I acknowledged that everybody I knew despatched out Christmas or vacation playing cards in December and I figured that I might make some cash promoting playing cards to my neighbors. I discovered an organization that despatched me a ebook of pattern playing cards that individuals might select from, fill within the personalised greeting they needed, and pay me for the amount of playing cards they needed. I despatched half the cash to the cardboard firm and obtained to maintain the opposite half. I made sufficient cash to purchase presents for household and associates and have somewhat left over to start out the brand new yr off proper.

That led to larger and higher jobs, first as a paperboy and later I realized that I might make cash shopping for and promoting cash. At age 9 I took the bus from our residence within the San Fernando Valley into Hollywood to go to coin exhibits. Once I realized that coin sellers on the exhibits obtained a reduction shopping for cash from different sellers, I had enterprise playing cards printed. “Jed Diamond, Supplier in Uncommon Cash” and demanded my supplier low cost once I attended the subsequent coin present.

I might go on and on about my enterprise ventures together with changing into a profitable marriage and household therapist and creator of seventeen books on numerous facets of relationship well being together with worldwide best-sellers comparable to On the lookout for Love in All of the Unsuitable Locations: Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions, my first extensively learn ebook that spoke to issues I had gone by in my private life and what I had realized that might assist others.

In On the lookout for Love, I mentioned:

“After we discover that our romantic relationships are a collection of disappointments but we proceed to pursue them, we’re searching for love in all of the mistaken locations. After we are overwhelmed by our bodily attraction to a brand new particular person, when the chemistry feels ‘improbable,’ and we’re positive that this time we’ve got discovered somebody who will make us complete, we’re searching for love in all of the mistaken locations. After we are in a dedicated relationship however discover ourselves always interested in others, we’re searching for love in all of the mistaken locations. When our need for extra intercourse, totally different intercourse, or hotter intercourse, retains us wanting on-line for our newest repair, we’re searching for love in all of the mistaken locations.”

Like a lot of you, I did my share of searching for love in all of the mistaken locations. I even developed a mathematical illustration of it. We regularly view marriage as a method to make us complete and full. The components is ½ to ½ = 1. However I realized that making an attempt to get one other particular person to finish you really creates a components for catastrophe: ½ x ½ = ¼.

If you go to my web site you’ll see my introductory video, “Confessions of a Twice-Divorced Marriage Counselor.” I share what I went by with a primary marriage and couldn’t survive the stresses of elevating kids and making an attempt to stimulate our flagging intercourse lives by exploring the world of polyamory and open marriage. My second marriage was to a girl who slept with a gun underneath her pillow…”to guard myself from males,” she informed me, ought to have been a tip off to run the opposite method. However while you develop into hooked on the frenzy of pleasure and hazard, we develop into like confused homing pigeons flying headlong in the other way and shortly crash.

The 5 Phases of Love and Why Too Many Relationships Crash at Stage 3

            Slightly than comply with my previous sample of going by the grief of an ending, burying myself in my work, ultimately getting lonely, and going out searching for love once more; I attempted one thing new. I made a decision to do some critical reflecting on my love life. I discovered a very good therapist, attended a lot of retreats on trauma, therapeutic, and the way we will discover actual lasting love, and took the time I wanted to type issues out.

            Wanting again, I notice I had taken the abilities that allowed me to achieve success at work—Studying from consultants, partaking what I realized, getting assist, and creating a brand new method of my life—and making use of them to my love life. I’m very happy to report that “the third time was the allure.” Carlin and I’ve been collectively for 42 fantastic years. I wrote about what we realized in my ebook, The Enlightened Marriage: The 5 Transformative Phases of Relationships and Why the Greatest is Nonetheless to Come.

            All of us need actual, lasting love, whether or not we’re in our 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, or past. But too many marriages collapse and most of the people don’t know why. They mistakenly consider that they’ve chosen the mistaken companion. After going by the grieving course of, they begin wanting once more. However after greater than forty years as a wedding and household counselor I’ve discovered that most individuals are searching for love in all of the mistaken locations. They don’t perceive that Stage 3 shouldn’t be the tip, however the true starting for attaining actual, lasting love:

  • Stage 1: Falling In Love
  • Stage 2: Turning into a Couple
  • Stage 3: Disillusionment
  • Stage 4: Creating Actual, Lasting Love
  • Stage 5: Utilizing the Energy of Two to Change the World

Like many individuals I grew up considering that love and marriage have been simple and easy. You had enjoyable relationship till you met that particular somebody and magically fell in love. You grew to become a pair and lived fortunately ever after. Clearly, real-life wasn’t like that. After a sure period of time, we develop into disillusioned with our companion and the way in which we’re within the relationship, ultimately develop into extra distant, and ultimately issues break down.

But, it doesn’t must be that method.

A Retreat for Males Who Have Gone By way of a Breakup, However Wish to Be taught the Secrets and techniques of Actual Lasting Love

            For years, I provided counseling for males who had gone by a breakup and needed to come back by the grieving course of with new understandings about what went mistaken and what they may do to create a greater future. I additionally endorsed girls, however I appeared to draw many males. They have been principally over 40 and fairly profitable of their work lives however have been struggling of their love lives.

            I additionally provided retreats for guys who needed to offer themselves a real reward of affection: Studying from one who has been there the secrets and techniques of making an intimate partnership that not solely lasts by the years however turns into higher and higher.

            Then Covid came over our world and we couldn’t do our retreats. Now, for the primary time shortly, I might be providing a retreat for a small group of males. And I might be joined by two skilled colleagues, one male and one feminine, to offer the lads an expertise they’ve by no means had, in a lovely, and relaxed setting the place they’ll study the abilities they might want to have the connection they’ve all the time dreamed of getting.

            The retreat will happen March 16-19, 2023 and might be for males who:

  • Have been by a breakup, which may very well be current, or someday previously.
  • Should be going by the disorientation, ache, and confusion or could also be coming by to the opposite aspect.
  • Are beginning to attain out once more or could even be in a brand new relationship.

What you might have in frequent is that you just nonetheless consider in love, however don’t have numerous time to waste. If this sounds such as you, drop me a observe to Jed@Menalive.com and put “retreat” within the topic line. I’ll get again to you and arrange a time to speak in particular person, to listen to extra about your wants, and inform you extra concerning the retreat. We’re limiting the group to 12 males so you’ll get the private consideration you deserve.

If this feels like one thing you’d love to do or if somebody who may like to hitch us, please move this on. I look ahead to listening to from you. If you’re considering “subsequent yr, I’m going to have the connection I want and need,” 2023 may very well be the yr for you.

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