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top to ways gay men destroy relationships

Homosexual Males and Relationships

Homosexual relationships can usually be troublesome. There are a selection of causes for this, together with a scarcity of societal blueprints and confusion on the a part of some homosexual males about what being in a romantic relationship really means. Given the distinctive challenges concerned with homosexual courting and love, we thought it is likely to be a very good supreme to supply an inventory of high 10 causes homosexual males (not less than some) destroy their relationships.

The fabric showing beneath accommodates a few of the frequent culprits however definitely not all of them. A few of what you’ll learn might strike you as frequent sense. Different factors, nonetheless, might make you pause in reflection.

Learn all of them so as to totally take in their deeper which means. On the finish of this publish, we’ve supplied a ballot so that you can vote in.

As a caveat, we wish to say that not all queer/LGBTQ individuals partake in these listed behaviors. However for individuals who do, it could be the rationale why some complain they’re hopelessly single.

Are you prepared? Let’s leap proper in!

Top 10 Ways Gay Men Destroy Their Relationships
10 Relationship Killers

1. Having unrealistic expectations

One of many quickest routes to destroying your homosexual relationship is having unrealistic expectations of the particular person you might be courting. Which means you possess an inventory of “musts” that you just really feel a companion will need to have to ensure that issues to work.

Examples embrace:

  • Particular, unyielding wage necessities of your mate
  • Anticipating your companion to all the time be in a very good temper
  • Assuming your companion can “learn your thoughts”
  • Considering your mate can be sexually satisfying every time you make love

2. Clingy codependency

One other manner some homosexual males obliterate their relationships is by turning into too clingy. This implies needing to know the place your man is throughout each second of the day and approaching the connection from a spot of mistrust as an alternative of belief.

Over the course of time, the tip result’s the sluggish erosion of the bonds that when introduced the 2 of you collectively within the first place.

Examples embrace:

  • Robo-texting your mate and anticipating rapid responses
  • Demanding to know the place your companion is all through the day
  • Examine-call to their cellphone – together with whereas they’re at work
  • Going by way of their cellphone to test messages and emails
  • Projecting intentions from a earlier relationship onto your present one
passive aggressive game playing
Sport Taking part in

3. Passive aggressive video games

Underneath this level, you’ll say one factor and imply one other. Due to an lack of ability to speak, be it by design or lack of means (or each) you drain the life out of your homosexual relationship by participating in passive aggressive behaviors. The top outcome for you and your companion is confusion, anger and resentment.

Examples embrace:

  • Indirectly saying what you imply throughout a dispute
  • Pretending all the pieces is “OK” when it’s clearly not
  • Refusing to interact in significant dialog about an issue
  • Withholding feelings, together with bodily and emotional affection

4. Egocentric behaviors

Selfishness is maybe one of many main causes behind homosexual relationship breakups. And whereas the phrase selfishness could also be subjective, there are a sure set of behaviors that clearly point out one particular person is appearing like a significant narcissist.

It will be important beneath this level to take a look at the totality of behaviors and never isolate only one factor.

Examples embrace:

  • Appearing like a egocentric backside within the bed room (aka pillow princess)
  • Not doing all of your half to maintain your shared house clear (i.e. chores)
  • Anticipating your man to pay for all the pieces as a result of he makes extra money
  • Assuming that your mate will commonly attend to vital duties

5. Letting disagreements flip into main blowouts

All of us make errors every so often however how many people step as much as the plate and “personal” our behaviors? Whereas it’s definitely troublesome at occasions to acknowledge we’ve achieved one thing improper, that’s not a permission slip to behave prefer it didn’t occur. In actual fact, this can be a large motive disagreements flip into blowouts

As soon as a sample of not speaking about what’s bothering us units in, a metaphorical clock begins ticking. Sooner or later, there’s going to be a blowout. (See video beneath on the right way to keep away from blowouts)

Examples embrace:

  • Frequently blaming your man for issues you could have achieved improper
  • Not sincerely acknowledging and proudly owning your actions
  • Not being honest if you say you might be sorry about what occurred
  • Pretending “he’ll recover from it” – even for egregious behaviors
  • Not calling a “Time Out” earlier than a blowout occurs or when somebody shuts down.
sexy gay couple shirtless
An excessive amount of partying

6. Overuse of use of medication and alcohol

Whereas this level will not be true of all homosexual relationships, it definitely is a matter in some. In the event you or your man consistently require the use medication or alcohol (or each) so as to have a “good time” or to be round each other, one thing will finally give.

And whereas having enjoyable every so often has its place, it shouldn’t be the glue that binds you collectively.

Examples embrace:

  • Frequently utilizing alcohol as emotional lubricant within the relationship
  • Needing to make use of medication whereas being with each other to let lose
  • Needing to be round different individuals who commonly drink or “occasion”
  • Making alcohol and/or medication a predominant element of your intercourse life

7. Not investing time in relationship

Whereas this level could seem apparent, it’s a main motive why so many homosexual relationships discover themselves in bother. That is notably true for long run conditions (3 years or extra), the place the dynamic usually morphs from acceptable alone time to completely alone time.

Generally, this occurs when one or each companions within the relationship are extra connected to their careers and by extension, profession success, than they’re to at least one one other.

Examples embrace:

  • Making work the first day by day focus of life as an alternative of the connection
  • Not inserting boundaries round know-how, reminiscent of smartphones and pads
  • Providing to tackle extra duties at work when it isn’t vital
  • Validating oneself primarily by way of a job or profession
gay relationships
Ready for “The One”

8. Considering one thing “higher” will come alongside

This level could also be troublesome to learn as a result of for a lot of homosexual males it’s the reality. In the event you maintain leaping into and out of relationships hoping the following particular person can be “the one”, you might be setting your self up for main failure. It takes much more than 2 or 3 dates to find out compatibility.

Until there’s a obtrusive motive that implies somebody isn’t going to be the precise match, there must be a chance to let a relationship blossom and bloom.

Examples embrace:

  • Chopping off a relationship earlier than really attending to know somebody
  • Having tremendous inflexible necessities concerning appears, revenue, profession sort, sexual positions
  • Consistently evaluating your final relationship with the present one
  • Specializing in the perceived negatives of an individual and ignoring the positives attributes

9. Being too fast to open up the connection

There isn’t a judgement beneath this level. For some individuals, monogamy works fairly effectively. For different {couples}, discussions are had whereby each events conform to have an open relationship or usher in a 3rd.

But when the 2 of you could have solely been collectively for only a few months – or maybe one 12 months – and are already trying to others for bodily stimulation, it might be an issue.


  • Considering intercourse with others will “repair” the first relationship
  • Counting on an unique bodily reference to one other to treatment emotional points
  • Utilizing third events for emotional and bodily validation
  • Instantly choosing an “open up” the connection as a response to infidelity
  • Utilizing grownup movies as a crutch to intimacy and bodily closeness regularly

10. Not having shared targets

The ultimate level is vital. If the 2 of you don’t have shared targets, the connection isn’t going to work for the long run.

And whereas it’s true that every of it’s possible you’ll maintain a distinct imaginative and prescient for the long run, there must be not less than one or two frequent targets that you’re working in direction of.


  • Working as a group in direction of shopping for a house
  • Figuring out if you’d like kids
  • Figuring out and dealing in direction of monetary targets
  • Planning for retirement, “subsequent steps” in life, and so on.

Homosexual Relationship Ballot

Beneath you can see a ballot that provides the highest 10 methods homosexual males destroy their relationships. Whereas the outcomes are by no means scientific, they can be utilized as a conduit for better perception and information.

After you make your choice, see how your vote stacks up in opposition to others.

Click on for offsite LGBT Relationships ballot

Summing Issues Up

Homosexual relationships are distinctive. Given the fact (lastly) that marriage is out there for all of us, it is crucial for us as a neighborhood to rethink how we method courting and romance. It’s as much as us to create the brand new blueprints.

A useful useful resource you may wish to take into account is the guide: 10 Sensible Issues Homosexual Males Do To Discover Higher Love by Joe Kort. Inside, you can see web page after web page of helpful perception on constructing more healthy romantic relationships.

What’s extra, the guide strikes in regards to the enterprise of addressing actual points that many homosexual males face.

Submitted by: {Couples} Counseling Chicago



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